The Part Of My Story I Kept Separate

This act of writing my book on grief and widowhood has been a growth and learning process for me as much as I hope it will be for the readers who get to experience it.

An integral part of the story is about evolution, how identity naturally shifts as a consequence of losing your spouse or partner. In many ways, we become a different person whether we want to or not.

Though I’ve always embraced this idea–that I’m a widow now and forever–I’ve never allowed it to become my entire identity. It’s part of me, not all of me, and it has materially and drastically shaped who I am today. Hell, I’m even writing a book about it 8 years later. That says something.

The Part I Kept Separate

But what I didn’t want it to define was how I showed up in the world, or how I helped people…until now. I launched my health coaching business and speaking without making grief and loss a big part of the story–I just snuck it into my intro during speaking engagements. 

This book is teaching me that putting my story out there, as well as the stories of other young widows, is how I support other women who’ve been through the same thing. Helping women feel seen and understood, and potentially guiding them through the most challenging part of their lives is part of the purpose for me in this next decade and honestly, I couldn’t be more excited about it. 

And Maybe This Isn’t Just About Grief

I’ve come to realize that the question of identity and purpose can show up often in mid-life. To some extent, we’ve accomplished those other checklist items by this point, and we now begin to ask ourselves, “What’s next?” or “Now what?” 

It’s definitely a loaded question but take the time to sit with it and ask yourself:

What's already shaped you? What do you keep coming back to? What do you care about enough to talk about, write about, or help someone else through?

I’m seeing that some of the clues to what comes next have been there all along.